You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
