had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize