then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
