True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
