hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everything about him screamed your future.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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