Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
