i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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