So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
not ubering you a puppy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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