the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
