My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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