Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
