I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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