jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
