So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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