Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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