saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
