why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize