gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well you can't waste a boner
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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