I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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