she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Me too!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
