Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
