i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
