I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
