This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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