I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
