he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
