I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
