It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
