last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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