apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
