Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
