She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
