You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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