What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
