Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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