Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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