I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
