So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize