i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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