Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
