So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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