We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
