I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
