I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
