also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
