yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
