so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
