i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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