Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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