just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
