Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
