HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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