actually, I'm a sock model
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
