it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
