Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
