i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
