I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize