Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
