dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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