We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Found the puke drawer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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