I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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