we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
