so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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