i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
