I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
