i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
