Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
