Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
