I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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