If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
