i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am one with the molecules
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